Unhelpful User Guide for Life - Perils of Snow

*Winter is the time of year when you hear:* - Shovels munching and crunching on snow - Snow blowers groaning and growling as they devour and projectile-vomit the snow - Car wheels squealing, screeching, and squeaking as they spin ineffectually on the snow - Plows scraping and beeping as they whoosh past, drift-in your car, and create a tidal wave of snow

*During a snowstorm, you can die from:* - Getting impaled from head to groin by giant icicles, Fate's spears and pikes, which plummet from improperly maintained roof gutters - Slipping and falling on unsalted sidewalks and walkways, Fate's skating rinks of death, thereby smashing your teeth into your brain - Skidding off the road in your car, into the gorge, Fate's concentration camp, where you either freeze or starve to death (if you're unprepared and the impact doesn't kill you)

*In order to avoid an unfortunate death:* - hermitize yourself in your home or cave - study the snow, learn from it; once you gain it's trust, strike with greenhouse gases