4. I Laughed Myself Away

*Comedy* often makes us laugh, if it is done well. Curiously, so does a jolt of sudden fear, if it turns out that the shock was needless and especially if we have been seen in our vulnerable moment and feel self-conscious. Maybe some of the best comedy combines these two things: they make us laugh at ourselves because we know that we act ridiculously when we are afraid. For me, it was different. I knew at the time that I was unjustified in killing my tormentors; that's what God's judgment is for. They knew I didn't belong to the people of Mars, and could not accept me as one from Venus. They didn't accept me as being a citizen of Earth, either. I chose to use a knife to cut the Gordian knot open simply. I left Earth behind, stained with their blood, echoing with their laughter and my cry of rage and triumph. I woke up here. I am glad, in a way, I am in Hell, for now this airless case does not stifle me. Now, lack of companionship does that. The only things that were justified, in the end, were my *fears*.